This week I find myself wanting to go back into the past and think about how it used to be – a time when I had all of my children nested in my home at night. That is when it becomes difficult for me as I miss my girl after letting go. And then I realize I am allowing myself to live in fantasy. The real is now, in the present moment. Today is just as beautiful as the past. It is just different. And that is okay.
The kids have grieved too. Grace has lost hours of sleep as she adjusts to her sister not being there at night to talk with. Last night Ethan brought up his thoughts about how there is one empty seat at dinner which Tootsie soon fills with her fuzzy curled up body. We miss our laughing, chatting, sunshine of a girl. My heart is happy my kids feel so connected to one another.
With the oldest now finding her way in the world, there have been opportunities. Responsibilities are now being owned by the other kids. Grace has become more of a leader and her nurturing side is blooming. There is now space for her to gain self-confidence as I delegate tasks and ask her to accompany me on errands. The change has brought gifts.
Thank goodness I live in a time of technology. I can message my daughter any time of the day I choose. There is no waiting on postcards or letters to hear back days later. I think I would have gone mad with waiting. Plus, I would have made up a bunch of stories in my mind that were going on, but untrue. Have you ever done that? They are late coming home and soon you have them in a car accident and the ambulance is there and no one knows who the mother is because no one in the accident can talk. And then, the two car collision turns into a ten car line up and…that’s why it is good I can text her.
In Other News
The damn Mourning Dove is driving me mad in the morning to the point of me wanting to hurl lemons at it and help the bird understand true mourning. I like peaceful wake ups, not being tortured awake. Now that Jon has taken a contract with AT&T, we are getting up early – setting our computers next to each other in the back bedroom as we sip coffee. Some days one cup isn’t enough, like today.
The kids are busy with their “work”- Ethan is composing piles of orchestral songs on his iPad (he would love for you to take a moment to hear his work on Sound Cloud), Grace is creating photos and videos while drawing portraits, and Elijah is dominating the gaming world as he tells me the latest science discoveries and new moves from his parkour classes. Life keeps moving even in a campsite.
I am still waiting to see if GoDaddy sends over a contract for us to work together. Meanwhile, I am discovering how much time and effort goes into social media for a business. Wow. There is so much to do. As I was comparing myself (I know, I know) with the other travel writers out there, I was wondering how they are getting everything done? Then I learned that what you see on the outside isn’t what is real of course. They hire virtual assistants or VAs to do their social media. Oh the secrets behind the veil. Meanwhile, I am trying to be a one-woman show and let’s face it, I don’t want to live my hours in social media. I am living a traveling life to spend time with my family! This week is on finding balance – a daily recalculation.
I am so grateful this week for the new air conditioner in the main living area. How we got by for a year without it was a miracle. The west coastline offered us such amazing weather last summer. And just before Jon was to lift it up the air conditioner to the roof, he needed to roll up the awning. The awning latch broke, and that is the story of living in an RV my friends.
Love & Light